A Letter to Fathers

We live in a world where our men are not honored and celebrated like they should be. We can celebrate women's independence, strength, and progression without minimizing our need for them.

My family believes we should honor our covering daily, but I know that is not every man's experience. I was at a birthday dinner a couple of weeks ago having a conversation with new people and the topic of Father's Day came up. One woman mentioned she asked her husband what he wanted and he said peace and a quiet day. The husband of the married couple made a facial expression of agreement but dared not verbalize his agreement in front of his wife.

It became a whole discussion about the inconvenience and how much trouble it would be for her to honor his request. I'm in the business of unintentionally offending with truth, but in this case I just listened and asked questions. I can't speak to their dynamic, I don't know if he truly honors the requests that she gives, and I have learned some cans should be kept closed. However, it was more motivation for me to honor my own husband.

We don’t need a day set aside to honor our men, but if we are honest we can agree that this day is not prioritized like it should be. Our men are tired, feel under appreciated, under valued, unheard, and unseen. They are expected to show up, not feel, be strong, protect, provide, and they are criticized for being human. Please don't make this about anyone else but them, this is not about our struggles too, this is a moment for us to recognize them and them alone.

For the man that wakes up day in and day out to provide. You do it because you love your family, you would not change it, but because it's what you do, it's taken for granted. Thank yous do not happen as often as they should because it's expected. Your family forgets that it's still a choice. Thank you for showing up, thank you for your sacrifice, and thank you for choosing your family daily inspight of the silent battles you face.

For the mighty few that prioritize loving their wives the way Christ loves the church, I know it can feel like an uphill battle. She can be difficult, uncompromising, and emotionally draining. In this post I provide no shade for her because this is for you. We don't need to rehearse her why because you know all her whys. Even with you following Jesus and loving unconditionally, it doesn't mean you don't get frustrated or tired. Thank you for loving her in the way God intended. If you are empty, it's time to ask that same God how to fill your cup because you are just as important, just as loved, and you are His favorite too.

To the man that is doing your best, and you feel like you continue to come up short, thank you for not quitting. I know you are discouraged, but for your future self do not quit. It might be time to go back to the drawing board, change your strategy, and assess what's working and what needs adjusting. You are not a failure, you are human. The world is changing and it can be hard to keep up, but you showing up is the first fight you continue to win everyday.

To the single father who feels like he doesn't have the support you need and you question if full custody was the right decision, the fact that you wonder is proof that you want what's best for your babies. People always say kids need their mother, but they need their father too. One caring, loving, present father is enough if the alternative is not safe. For the questions you don't know how to answer, pray for wisdom. For the daughter who needs female support, ask God to send positive influences that will help her grow and develop. When you make a mistake, own it and apologize because those children need to see your strength and your humanity. It gives them unspoken permission to be human too.

For the husband that has a simple request, peace and quiet, but no one will supply it, it's time to create space for you. Before husband, before dad, before provider and protector, you were you. You may not remember who that you is, but it may be time to safely explore the you now. You are allowed to take time for yourself, explore your passions, and live a life where those roles and your needs coexist. I'm sorry that your needs are unmet. My heart bleeds for the men that suffer in silence because being human is seen as weakness.

You experience disappointment. You get tired. You experience heartbreak. You experience pain. You grieve. You may not cry on the outside, but for years you have wept internally. We see you. We love you. We appreciate you.

To our beautiful black kings, we stand with you. We cover you. We see your struggle, and we do not ignore it. We see your righteous anger, and we embrace you in it. We hold your hand. We speak life into you. We stand with you because we know the impact we can have when we work together because the world wants to perpetuate the narrative that you aren't present, that you aren't enough, and that you are not needed.

This is a letter to fathers, to our men. Thank you and we love you.