A Tree Replanted

Soooooo Dr. Kassar was in my business again this week. Guess what that means! You get to be in my business too so let's unpack it.

For any newcomers that haven't read my last couple of blogs, I am a part of a collective of women called The Covenant. Dr. Kassar shared her vision, and for those of us who said yes, it was evident we belonged.

All of us could recognize we were carrying something but could not identify what it was. It's called a birthing room because as the Lord reveals what we are carrying and its purpose, we are becoming what's required to steward our relationship with Him and the gift.

We committed to be open, transparent, and willingly challenged in a room full of strangers. It is uncomfortable, but the growth and revelation in the room is undeniable. Not only are the participants growing, our leaders are sharing their growth moments as they walk through this process with us.

This week we talked about obedience and surrender. Dr. Kassar snatched my edges with things I have a love, hate relationship with. My association with obedience is not the best, but I believed I was great at it. Surrender on the otherhand typically involves some tussling but when I finally do it, revelation, alignment, and healing comes.

A part of the process is sharing, on video, what stood out to us from the weekly teaching. I learned that what I have called obedience is appeasement, and when I reach frustration and my trauma response kicks in, I skip awareness and acknowledgement and move straight to action for immediate relief. I am not impulsive at all, except in those moments. We already know I rationalize first before full acceptance so these steps happened in real time in the comments of my video. She identifies our patterns, and then she challenges them.

I imagine I could side bar and send her a private message, but a part of me embracing this process is being challenged with an audience. It's another level of accountability, and if there is anyone in the room not quite ready, maybe they can learn something from seeing the process in real time. This part is humility and my obedience. I would personally prefer doing it in private.

Then the questions came. She sent 5 and I am still on number 2. Here is the interesting thing about good questions. When we ask God honest questions, we sit with them, and we don't rush, sometimes we get answers we didn't ask for. I am on or off, leave it alone or let's tear it up and rebuild. When I learn about a problem, I am ready for Him to give me a solution so we can fix it. There are some things He wants us to sit in. I am sitting in question 2, and I am unsure how long it will be.

Question 2 was an emotional truth question. "I've said there is no fear attached to carrying more. God is that fully true? What is true?" We started off talking about obedience and surrender, but when I asked, "What is true," God started talking about identity.

This is what He told me.

"You are right, you do not have any fear attached to carrying more, but there are worse things you can have. (Clutches pearls because He is about to gather me). For you, the right kind of fear brought change and movement, but in many cases you have become complacent. You will do what I ask, but you are okay with not carrying anything. Not wanting to carry anything can lead to aborted purpose."

"Do you remember the last fear you had that moved you to radical change? (I didn't try to answer, I just kept listening) It was when you were becoming a mother for the first time. You were afraid, you were angry, but it birthed a desire for you to be better. You knew you were too selfish to be a good mother. You knew the only way you wouldn't repeat cycles is if you raised that child my way. You knew you were not fully equipped with what you needed, but you also knew I would equip you. You refused to think about abortion or quitting because you believed if I allowed it, there was purpose in it."

"But here’s the challenge, you allowed that to be your why, your motivation, and what you gained strength in. You prayed for instruction, but in that becoming, your identity became rooted in that role instead of in Me. Every decision, every sacrifice, every yes and no was rooted in that responsibility because you wanted generational freedom. You were not yet at a place of maturity or understanding for that truth, but Me being your father, I knew that would eventually be something we had to renew. Your identity was rooted in being a mother for 16 years, and then abrupt change happened."

"You had expectations attached to that outcome, and when history repeated itself in some of the same areas, inspight of all the things you and your husband had done, you were crushed. When everything happened you learned you were not the tree planted by the rivers of waters. You had to quickly uproot that identity and quickly learn how to be rooted in Me. You didn't realize it, but that is one of the ways I worked it out for your good. Being a loving father, I would have preferred to teach and reveal it to you carefully, like a surgeon - to minimize damage, but I still work within people's will and decisions."

"Do you know what happens to a plant that is uprooted and replanted quickly and without the immediate proper care? Look it up."

This is what I found.

When something is rooted for years and it needs to be replanted, it should be done slowly and carefully to not damage the root system (where the plant gets its nutrients). When done carelessly and quickly, the root system is damaged and it brings contaminants from the old environment to the new one.

He continued, "You are in recovery because I need to restore the damage from that quick uprooting, and I need to remove what should have been removed before your identity was replanted."

Now you see why I am still at question 2. What started as a conversation about obedience and surrender, transitioned to revelation about my identity. Then He said, look up the process for a plants restoration.

1. Gently expose and inspect roots carefully digging around without ripping more roots. That is what we are doing now.

2. Flush the soil with deep water for days to wash out toxins or buildup. That is what we are doing now. Deep water is revelation, the word, and worship.

3. Replace or amend the soil. You don't always need to remove everything. If contamination is severe, remove and replace top soil.

4. Reposition the plant correctly because a lot of issues come from improper planting depth. That's re-alignment.

5. Use natural detox support. The balance needs to be restored without shocking the plant. For me, the natural detox support has been prayer, my sister friends, and The Covenant.

Without this process, I become a tree that doesn't bear fruit, and a woman with aborted purpose. I am allowing God to inspect my roots, to cleanse the soil of my mind, and heal the environment of my heart. I am rooted and planted in Him, and I appreciate the master gardeners care. Even when it's uncomfortable, He knows exactly what His daughter needs to abide fully in Him. This process takes time, so like I said before, until further notice I will be the tree replanted.