Seasonal Shifts

It’s sometime after midnight and the house is silent. Baby boy is finally asleep after a long day of doctor’s appointments, the aquarium, and popsicles with grandad. The dogs are passed out or at least quiet. My husband is fast asleep after an extremely long week of leaving for work before we wake up and returning too often after we’ve already had dinner.

I am moving between the office and maker room, unable to sleep just yet. But not because I have anxiety-induced insomnia. No, this sleeplessness is the product of a seasonal shift. I spent the Winter resting and percolating. The Spring was full of new growth creatively and some deep pruning relationally. And now, as the days grow even longer and hotter, I am flowering creatively. So sleep comes, but it looks different.

Instead of resisting this shifting and evolving of rhythms I'm accepting it. This is a lesson that I recently learned in therapy. So often, we experience a tension that leads to anxiety and depression because we resist the changes occurring in our lives rather than accepting them.

Let me take a step back. After many years of trying to be a writer in the way that everyone said I should - writing every day, waking up early to write, making my voice small to be more acceptable in the white male mainstream of publishing - I learned that I'm a seasonal creative. I rest in the Winter, plant in the Spring, produce fruit in the Summer and harvest in the Fall. I learned this about myself about 10 years ago, but what I didn't fully understand was that the rhythm can fluctuate within seasons, and that's ok.

So, for example, like I said earlier we're on the eve of Summer and I'm starting to flower. At the same time, my husband is going into the busy and extremely stressful season of his work, and my son is growing more into his toddlerhood which comes with separation anxiety, potty training and a deeper awareness of his own thoughts and feelings. Additionally, my grandmother's Alzheimer’s is progressing, and my father is dealing with his own health issues while stepping into more of a caretaker role for his mother.

In the past I would've been overwhelmed by fear and anxiety - how can I selfishly blossom when everyone needs more from me? I would've slipped into a mild depression when I made a mistake and didn't properly prioritize my sacred time with God or when I let sleep slip away to pursue the blessings being poured into my life.

Not this time. This time, I feel like I'm operating from my Power, Truth and Peace. I know that if there's a night or two where I have to stay up later than usual, it's ok. I will simply sleep until the sun illuminates my room the next morning; or if I can't because little man is up and ready, I'll pray to God for an extra dose of peace and grace with myself first so that I can extend it to others. I know that if it's been more than a week of me not getting enough sleep, then I'll have to prune away some of my creative endeavors to pour my energy into rest so that I can flower again creatively at the right time. I'm empowered to enter into places unknown, because I have accepted a new way of moving forward - one that is built upon the foundation of Faith, Hope, Love, Truth, Grace and Mercy.

To connect with me and hear more about my writing and entrepreneurship journey, visit https://www.alittlemoretruthllc.com